Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
