it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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