Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
