i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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