i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
