i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
