i just wanna soil my oats bro
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
