quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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