My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
