I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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