Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
