i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I would ride that face into the sunset
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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