Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
