If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm passing your future prison.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
