SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
