If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
