i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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