i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
