someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
