No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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