how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
