Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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