I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i think i just lost a toe
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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