She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
