Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
