Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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