Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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