Don't you send me to vm
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
