I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Of course I have a pirate flag
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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