I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
