the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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