I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They took my balls.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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