I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
