tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize