4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
