I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
