quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
