What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
