big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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