That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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