Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
