pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
