new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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