You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize