hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
