ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dignity is for republicans.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
