I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize