Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
