Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
