i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Please don't give away my fajitas
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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