just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Everyone says I win the strip club
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
