So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
