I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
