Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
