why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My ass is underappreciated
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The adults are the big ones right?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
