Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
