I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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