dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
