Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
