I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
