3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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