Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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