She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
