I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
