My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
