i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
