Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
