i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
