No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
