If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize