Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
