FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
