How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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