ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
