She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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