I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize