A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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