i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
