I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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