so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize