my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
