I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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