I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
