I molested 6 butterflies tonight
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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