I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
