the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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