fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
