maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
