That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's official drugs can't kill me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I enjoy the company of your penis
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
