I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
