drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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