WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
