Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I got inside last night via doggy door
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
