I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize