I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
