Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
