you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
