Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
