i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
