He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
