so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
