We're facebook friends in real life
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
whose ass print is on the piano?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
