i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
foreskin is a definite game changer
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize