Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
