I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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