well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
