I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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