and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
