Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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